Spring break is approximately half over and I have much still to do (as my professors decided to make midterms the week we come back- both a blessing and a curse). And as I’ve sat alone in Brottier Hall while my friends have traveled to distant corners of the Earth, I have learned some very important lessons.
I can hardly believe that tomorrow is the last time I will move to Duquesne for the beginning of a new semester. I’ve talked quite extensively about my expectations for senior year and how they’ve all sort of shattered around me. I’m not the only one, either, as I’ve seen some of my best friends struggle with things that they didn’t anticipate happening.
Like a Cannonball
A Fear of Normalcy
Now that it’s officially 2014, the year that I graduate from Duquesne, I’ve been musing a lot about where I’m going from here and what I want to achieve in the next 40+ years of my life. For a long time, I just expected myself to go to grad school, as if there wasn’t any other route. But the further I went in my studies, the more I realized that Academia, though warm and inviting and the only thing I’ve ever really known or been good at, is not really all that exciting. I do not sneer at professors and other scholars; after all, they are responsible for the knowledge I have obtained in the last 17 or so years of my academic career. However, as much as I admire those who have dedicated their lives to perpetuating information, I simply cannot count myself among them.
Hello, 2014
When 2013 began, I had a clear idea of how I expected things to transpire. You would think that after over 20 years on this planet I would have recognized that life is not easily planned. Long 365-day story short, I am standing on the verge of 2014 realizing that nothing ever really happens the way that you expect it to.
Thankful for Opportunity
Where to Next?
Every thanksgiving for the last three years, I’ve taken time to reflect on people and things that bring so much joy to my life. And while I am always thankful for friends and family, there is a recent realization that I am particularly blessed to have had.
Great Victories
So around this time last week, I rediscovered my love affair with words and telling stories. In those first couple posts back, I apparently alarmed several people and just wanted to take a few minutes to wax poetic about the current era of my life to make it up to them.
A Familiar Ring
Class of 2014
This past week, I began my junior year of college. Not only did classes begin, but I also contracted some sort of sinus infection. By the time I got through it, I had broken at least two fevers, stayed up three or four nights in a row coughing, and finished a box of tissues by myself. I had been irritable and bitchy (though that’s really not unusual). While I can, in part, attribute a lot of the anger to the actual illness, the reasons behind my sullen attitude have far more to do with a set of abstract changes in my psyche. The idea that I’m slowly approaching actual adulthood and won’t be in school this time two years from now led me to have what I can only refer to as an existential crisis.
It’s All Coming Back to Me Now
Rachel Berry in Mattress
Snap out of this. Stop being defined by what other people think of you. Or how they disappoint you. It’s lonely at the top, you know that. What’s that song about overcoming professional and personal disappointments? “When you’re smiling, when you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you.” (Rachel Berry, Glee)
I sincerely apologize for how long it has been since I’ve posted anything, but I have an explanation as to why it took me this long to find my way back.
& In that Moment, I Swear We Were Infinite
I remembered this one time that I never told anyone about. The time we were walking. Just the three of us. And I was in the middle. I don’t remember where and I don’t remember when. I don’t even remember the season. I just remember walking between them and feeling for the first time that I belonged somewhere.
So I got home about 15 minutes ago. Where I live, that’s about 2:05 am (EST). I was not drinking. We were not doing anything with a specific purpose in mind, just driving around aimlessly. And then we decided, like we always do, that it was time to go be infinite.
Make My Wish Come True, Baby, All I Want For Christmas is an emotionally-relevant gift and not something expensive, please
So it’s definitely that time of year where I go to the mall or insert your shopping center preference here and try to come up with an at least half-way decent Christmas present for the people in my life. This year in particular was far more difficult than it usually is, probably because I had about a week to figure out what to buy for quite a few people. And you know what? There is absolutely nothing in a store that I wanted to buy anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I ended up with a present for everyone that I needed a present for, but I’m not exactly particularly happy with any of them.
Katie Bennett Writes 