Don’t let small town life make your life Small.

Chris Colfer

In my dorm room, I don’t have very many pictures posted.  There are the quotes that I’ve previously mentioned on this blog about being an English major and a girl who reads, but besides that, I only have a couple Glee/Harry Potter related items up.  There are, however, two rather large black-and-white posters up that pull focus when you walk into the room.  One is of a double-decker bus driving past Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament in London, and the other is of the Moulin Rouge lit up at night.  A single set of lyrics, hand-written sometime in August, rests beneath them-

I want Adventure in the great, wide somewhere.  I want it more than I can tell.  And for once it might be grand to have someone understand.  I want so much more than they’ve got planned…

I’ve mentioned before how Belle has always been really important to me.  And I think this is why- because in that one moment, in that single, solitary reprise- I knew what I wanted to do with my life.

I have been to England.  London, to be exact, two summers ago in June.  It was the best experience I’ve ever had.  8 shows in 8 days, walking around Covent Garden and Trafalgar Square, seeing the Thames, looking at the city from St. Paul’s, standing where both Diana and Kate would each become princesses- if it had been up to me, I would have sold all my belongings, found a nice, durable cardboard box, and stayed there forever.  Instead, at the end of the week, I packed up and headed back to the states- but if felt like I was leaving my heart behind.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore the city of Pittsburgh.  No matter how much I was enchanted by London, the City of Bridges, where I was born and raised will always hold my heart.  And it’s not that I don’t think that Pittsburgh is a viable option for settling down and having a family- but I want so much more out of my life before that time comes.

I’ve always been intimidating.  My ambition tends to precede me when I walk into a room.  And now, as I sit at my desk in Pittsburgh, I’m so conflicted.  On my right hand side, Big Ben shines in the glorious London sun, beckoning me with all of His British goodness.  And yet, out my window I can see the 10th Street Bridge all lit up in the beautiful Pittsburgh night.

I’m conflicted.

I want to move to England.  I know this deep inside my heart that, like Belle, there is something more for me waiting beyond the walls of my school, beyond the limits of this city.  And I know that if I don’t at least try to go beyond what the Steel City has to offer me, I’m going to regret it.

But on the other hand, there are people in Pittsburgh that I cannot imagine my life without.  I know that I talk a good game about not being attached to people, but to be honest, I don’t know if there will ever be a time in my life when I can just let an ocean separate the people that have always been there when I needed them from me.  I don’t know how I feel about not being able to be with someone in a matter of minutes, not a matter of hours or even days, if something bad happens.

I won’t ever study abroad because I know that the money will just be wasted.  Because of my anal-retentive qualities, instead of looking out of my window while I did my homework in Pittsburgh, I would just be looking out of my window while I did my homework in London.

And just because I move there doesn’t mean that I have to stay there forever, right?

The only problem is, I am from a suburb of Pittsburgh where a lot of people were born and raised.  My father, for example, drives past the house in which he was born almost every day.  He is a product of the Steel Mills, and he has lived in our town his entire life.  He’s not the only one- many a day has been spent listening to recollections of what Pittsburgh was like in the “olden days”.  I see how happy they are, living here their entire lives and know that I could be happy here, too- but there’s so much I’d rather do, see, and experience beyond the steel that this city created.

I don’t want my kids to go to the high school that I went to.  I don’t want to stay in one place forever because I feel limited.  I don’t want small town life to make my life small.

I just have a lot of stuff to figure out.  I know that within my career choice, Public Relations may offer me the potential to travel all over this world.  And maybe I will move to London one day.  Maybe I’ll pack up everything I’ve ever owned and ship out across the pond.  I won’t know if it’s the right decision unless I try, right?  And the best part is- I know that the city of Pittsburgh, with it’s gleaming bridges and three rivers, will always be waiting to welcome me home if I ever find my adventures too tiring.